Emergistan travel tip for the day:

Patients who refer to Xanax as 'bars' or Lortab as 'tabs' may not have pure motives in receiving narcotics. 

One might reasonably alter their pain scale as follows:

Pain scale/2 - # of street terms used for drug = actual pain scale.

For example:  My pain is a ten!  Can I get some tabs?  (minus one) Some Blue Specs usually help when it hurts this much!  (minus two). 

Let's do the math:

10/2 -2 =
5 -2 =
3

Then decide if perhaps Tylenol or nothing is adequate.  Subtract more points as you see fit.

(Perhaps using modifiers based on previous experience, such as multiplcation by 0, as in 'you get 0 pain medications!')

Your travel guide,

Edwin