In Emergistan, alcohol consumption is a national sport.  Last night I evaluated, observed and discharged numerous intoxicated college students.  The football game they had been attending was the sideshow.  Drinking was the main event!  However, dear doctors in Emergistan, remember this economic reality. 

Drunk college student = insurance = payment.  As annoying as they are, they're pretty easy money.

Another formula for students:

 Drunk college student = dangerously angry mother who drove 3 hours at warp speed to check on baby = lectures, threats and early rising on Sunday morning for church with mom despite life altering hangover. 

Repeat may result in spring semester job with highway department holding stop sign.

Remember, in Emergistan, one of our many mottos is:  'Only two drinks.'

Edwin